39 questionable purchases and counting

A junk drawer
of stuff you didn't
know you needed.

We dig through the internet's weirdest corners so you don't have to.
Every item here earned its spot through careful, deeply unserious research.

A weird drawer stuffed with a trophy, red sunglasses, a sticky note, and a rubber chicken
Emotional Support SpiderGiant Spider Sleeping Plush for Adults
Giant Spider Sleeping Plush for Adults
A weighted, poseable, life-sized tarantula pillow. Yes, someone designed this on purpose.
$450.00Check It Out
Unblinking CompanionThe Original All Seeing Lemon
The Original All Seeing Lemon
A handmade silicone lemon with a realistic human eye. It watches. It judges. It sits in your fruit bowl.
$33.74Check It Out
Apology OutsourcedWe Will Say Sorry So You Don't Have To
We Will Say Sorry So You Don't Have To
A real Japanese agency that sends a professional to say sorry on your behalf. Bowing included.
Price Depends on
How Sorry You AreCheck It Out
Peak NonsenseThe Glitter Bomb That Ends Friendships
The Glitter Bomb That Ends Friendships
Springs open, sprays chaos, ruins their vacuum forever.
$17.95Check It Out
Hope You Never Need ThisShart Survival Kit
Shart Survival Kit
For when it hits the fan — emergency preparedness, but make it embarrassing.
$22.99Check It Out
100% Goat-PoweredRent-a-Goat Lawn Service
Rent-a-Goat Lawn Service
Yes, this is a real marketplace. Vegetation problem? There's a goat for that.
Price Depends on
Goat MoodCheck It Out
Not Actually FootwearChocolate High Heels
Chocolate High Heels
She'll never wear them, she'll never forget them. Edible footwear, zero arch support.
$120.00Check It Out
Licensed to TickleProfessional Tickle Therapy (Yes, This Is a Real Business)
Professional Tickle Therapy (Yes, This Is a Real Business)
Individual, couples, or virtual sessions — because apparently tickling needed a certification program.
Ask the TicklerCheck It Out
Paid ResearchWe Will Pay You $2,500 to Release Cockroaches Into Your Home
We Will Pay You $2,500 to Release Cockroaches Into Your Home
A real pest-control study looking for one household to test on.
NOT FOR SALECheck It Out
Actually UsefulRent-A-Chicken (Yes, That's a Real Service)
Rent-A-Chicken (Yes, That's a Real Service)
Fresh eggs now, no long-term commitment.
Ask the ChickenCheck It Out
Certified UnhingedHanderpants (Yes, Underwear for Your Hands)
Handerpants (Yes, Underwear for Your Hands)
Because your hands have needs too.
$12.42Check It Out
Militantly UnnecessaryGunship Ceiling Fan (Yes, It Actually Works)
Gunship Ceiling Fan (Yes, It Actually Works)
Turns your living room into a war zone, one rotation at a time.
$125.00Check It Out
Wasteland ApprovedFallout-Inspired Pip-Boy 2000 MK VI Prop
Fallout-Inspired Pip-Boy 2000 MK VI Prop
A wearable, hand-built wrist computer from a wasteland that does not exist, for $475.76 that very much does.
$475.76Check It Out
Delusions of GrandeurTexsens Bubble Window Pet Carrier Backpack
Texsens Bubble Window Pet Carrier Backpack
A backpack with a bubble window so your cat can survey their kingdom from your shoulders.
$25.64Check It Out
King of the ThroneDeluxe Toilet Trophy
Deluxe Toilet Trophy
A gold-plated toilet with a customizable photo insert, crowning someone the undisputed King of the Throne.
$46.00Check It Out
Chaos EngineerFlippin' Phone Hidden Noise Maker
Flippin' Phone Hidden Noise Maker
A tiny hidden speaker that plays an infuriating ringtone from a location nobody will ever find.
$12.99Check It Out
Stress ReliefDesktop Punching Bag
Desktop Punching Bag
A suction-cup punching ball for your desk, because open floor plans do not allow screaming.
$29.99Check It Out
Solving NothingBALAPET Cat Office Chair Attachment
BALAPET Cat Office Chair Attachment
A cat bed that clamps onto your office chair, so your cat can watch you fail to get anything done.
$49.99Check It Out
Aggressively UnnecessaryMotocross Goggles for a Dog Who Has Never Ridden a Motorcycle
Motocross Goggles for a Dog Who Has Never Ridden a Motorcycle
Full wind and UV protection for a dog whose top speed is four mph, chasing squirrels.
$9.99Check It Out
Certified UnhingedFeisty Pets: Sammy Suckerpunch
Feisty Pets: Sammy Suckerpunch
A sweet, innocent plush dog that turns feral the second you squeeze it.
$27.00Check It Out
Petty and ProudYou Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
You Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
A pack of 100 pre-printed checklists for exactly how someone ruined your parking situation.
$12.99Check It Out
Not Actually DangerousFun with Electricity Playset
Fun with Electricity Playset
A fake outlet and a fake fork, sold together as a toy, with a straight face.
$28.00Check It Out
Weirdly EffectiveVomiting Chicken Egg Separator
Vomiting Chicken Egg Separator
Technically a kitchen tool. Emotionally, a war crime against breakfast.
$7.99Check It Out
Peak NonsenseExtendable Telescopic Fork
Extendable Telescopic Fork
A fork that stretches from 8.7 to 25.4 inches, for reasons your dinner guests will never fully process.
$6.99Check It Out
Actually UsefulGskyer 70mm Astronomical Telescope
Gskyer 70mm Astronomical Telescope
The one genuinely useful thing in this drawer. We know. We're as surprised as you are.
$96.99Check It Out
OverengineeredX-Chef 5-Blade Herb Scissors
X-Chef 5-Blade Herb Scissors
Five blades to chop herbs, because apparently one blade was too slow for basil.
$11.99Check It Out
Solving NothingFireKylin Banana Slicer
FireKylin Banana Slicer
A dedicated stainless steel tool for a task your fingers have handled since birth.
$6.21Check It Out
Aggressively UnnecessaryOXO 3-in-1 Avocado Slicer
OXO 3-in-1 Avocado Slicer
Solves a problem a knife has handled for approximately six thousand years.
$11.97Check It Out
As Seen On Shark Tank 🦈Banana Phone
Banana Phone
A fully functional Bluetooth phone shaped like a banana. As seen on Shark Tank, for reasons.
$39.99Check It Out
Peak AmbianceAstronaut Galaxy Projector
Astronaut Galaxy Projector
A tiny astronaut who has given up on Earth and is now just projecting his feelings onto your ceiling.
$25.99Check It Out
Needlessly SpecificGUAZI Imitation Nixie Tube Clock
GUAZI Imitation Nixie Tube Clock
Sixteen million colors, one very impressive way to check the time.
$62.99Check It Out
Time CapsuleOriginal Newspaper From the Day You Were Born
Original Newspaper From the Day You Were Born
A real, actual newspaper from the actual day you showed up. Yellowed edges included, free of charge.
$34.99Check It Out
Bathroom AccountabilityKatamco Original Toilet Timer
Katamco Original Toilet Timer
An hourglass that exists solely to judge how long you have been on your phone in there.
$16.99Check It Out
As Seen On Shark Tank 🦈Classy Potato Gift Bundle
Classy Potato Gift Bundle
Yes, someone decided to send you a potato. In a gold box. With candy.
$29.99Check It Out
Nature Did Not Approve ThisHork the Horse-Shark Hybrid Figure
Hork the Horse-Shark Hybrid Figure
Half horse, half shark, entirely a decision someone made on purpose.
$15.95Check It Out
Genuinely UnhingedClocky Runaway Alarm Clock
Clocky Runaway Alarm Clock
Wakes you up by making you commit a small act of violence against your own furniture.
$31.99Check It Out
Overall ChaosScreaming Rubber Chicken
Screaming Rubber Chicken
For when silence is overrated and your dog needs a reason to judge you.
$7.99Check It Out
Certified UnhingedArchie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
A pickle that yodels. We have questions, but mostly about you.
$12.99Check It Out
Defies PhysicsMagnetic Levitation Floating Globe
Magnetic Levitation Floating Globe
A globe that ignores gravity because rent is due and it's stressed too.
$31.99Check It Out
Peak BetrayalPrank-O Roto Wipe Gift Box
Prank-O Roto Wipe Gift Box
An empty box that looks exactly like a toilet-cleaning robot. That's the whole gift.
$8.99Check It Out
Formal-ishLED Light-Up Suspenders & Bow Tie Set
LED Light-Up Suspenders & Bow Tie Set
Formal wear, but make it a rave.
$23.98Check It Out