29 questionable purchases and counting

A junk drawer
of stuff you didn't
know you needed.

We dig through the internet's weirdest corners so you don't have to.
Every item here earned its spot through careful, deeply unserious research.

A weird drawer stuffed with a trophy, red sunglasses, a sticky note, and a rubber chicken

Desk Oddities

for your 9-to-5 spiralSee all
Stress ReliefDesktop Punching Bag
Desktop Punching Bag
A suction-cup punching ball for your desk, because open floor plans do not allow screaming.
$29.99
→
Peak AmbianceAstronaut Galaxy Projector
Astronaut Galaxy Projector
A tiny astronaut who has given up on Earth and is now just projecting his feelings onto your ceiling.
$25.99
→
Needlessly SpecificGUAZI Imitation Nixie Tube Clock
GUAZI Imitation Nixie Tube Clock
Sixteen million colors, one very impressive way to check the time.
$62.99
→
Genuinely UnhingedClocky Runaway Alarm Clock
Clocky Runaway Alarm Clock
Wakes you up by making you commit a small act of violence against your own furniture.
$31.99
→
Defies PhysicsMagnetic Levitation Floating Globe
Magnetic Levitation Floating Globe
A globe that ignores gravity because rent is due and it's stressed too.
$31.99
→

Kitchen Nonsense

chef's kiss of chaosSee all
Weirdly EffectiveVomiting Chicken Egg Separator
Vomiting Chicken Egg Separator
Technically a kitchen tool. Emotionally, a war crime against breakfast.
$7.99
→
Peak NonsenseExtendable Telescopic Fork
Extendable Telescopic Fork
A fork that stretches from 8.7 to 25.4 inches, for reasons your dinner guests will never fully process.
$6.99
→
OverengineeredX-Chef 5-Blade Herb Scissors
X-Chef 5-Blade Herb Scissors
Five blades to chop herbs, because apparently one blade was too slow for basil.
$11.99
→
Solving NothingFireKylin Banana Slicer
FireKylin Banana Slicer
A dedicated stainless steel tool for a task your fingers have handled since birth.
$6.21
→
Aggressively UnnecessaryOXO 3-in-1 Avocado Slicer
OXO 3-in-1 Avocado Slicer
Solves a problem a knife has handled for approximately six thousand years.
$11.97
→

Gag Gifts

for people you love (mostly)See all
King of the ThroneDeluxe Toilet Trophy
Deluxe Toilet Trophy
A gold-plated toilet with a customizable photo insert, crowning someone the undisputed King of the Throne.
$46.00
→
Chaos EngineerFlippin' Phone Hidden Noise Maker
Flippin' Phone Hidden Noise Maker
A tiny hidden speaker that plays an infuriating ringtone from a location nobody will ever find.
$12.99
→
Petty and ProudYou Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
You Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
A pack of 100 pre-printed checklists for exactly how someone ruined your parking situation.
$12.99
→
Certified UnhingedFun with Electricity Playset
Fun with Electricity Playset
A fake outlet and a fake fork, sold together as a toy, with a straight face.
$28.00
→
As Seen On Shark Tank 🦈Banana Phone
Banana Phone
A fully functional Bluetooth phone shaped like a banana. As seen on Shark Tank, for reasons.
$39.99
→
Time CapsuleOriginal Newspaper From the Day You Were Born
Original Newspaper From the Day You Were Born
A real, actual newspaper from the actual day you showed up. Yellowed edges included, free of charge.
$34.99
→
Bathroom AccountabilityKatamco Original Toilet Timer
Katamco Original Toilet Timer
An hourglass that exists solely to judge how long you have been on your phone in there.
$16.99
→
As Seen On Shark Tank 🦈Classy Potato Gift Bundle
Classy Potato Gift Bundle
Yes, someone decided to send you a potato. In a gold box. With candy.
$29.99
→
Nature Did Not Approve ThisHork the Horse-Shark Hybrid Figure
Hork the Horse-Shark Hybrid Figure
Half horse, half shark, entirely a decision someone made on purpose.
$15.95
→
Overall ChaosScreaming Rubber Chicken
Screaming Rubber Chicken
For when silence is overrated and your dog needs a reason to judge you.
$7.99
→
Certified UnhingedArchie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
A pickle that yodels. We have questions, but mostly about you.
$12.99
→
Peak BetrayalPrank-O Roto Wipe Gift Box
Prank-O Roto Wipe Gift Box
An empty box that looks exactly like a toilet-cleaning robot. That's the whole gift.
$8.99
→

Pet Weirdness

your pet did not ask for thisSee all
Delusions of GrandeurTexsens Bubble Window Pet Carrier Backpack
Texsens Bubble Window Pet Carrier Backpack
A backpack with a bubble window so your cat can survey their kingdom from your shoulders.
$25.64
→
Solving NothingBALAPET Cat Office Chair Attachment
BALAPET Cat Office Chair Attachment
A cat bed that clamps onto your office chair, so your cat can watch you fail to get anything done.
$49.99
→
Aggressively UnnecessaryMotocross Goggles for a Dog Who Has Never Ridden a Motorcycle
Motocross Goggles for a Dog Who Has Never Ridden a Motorcycle
Full wind and UV protection for a dog whose top speed is four mph, chasing squirrels.
$9.99
→
Certified UnhingedFeisty Pets: Sammy Suckerpunch
Feisty Pets: Sammy Suckerpunch
A sweet, innocent plush dog that turns feral the second you squeeze it.
$27.00
→

Wearable Chaos

wear it with zero shameSee all
Wasteland ApprovedFallout-Inspired Pip-Boy 2000 MK VI Prop
Fallout-Inspired Pip-Boy 2000 MK VI Prop
A wearable, hand-built wrist computer from a wasteland that does not exist, for $475.76 that very much does.
$475.76
→
Formal-ishLED Light-Up Suspenders & Bow Tie Set
LED Light-Up Suspenders & Bow Tie Set
Formal wear, but make it a rave.
$23.98
→

Financial Regrets

Priced like we have our life togetherSee all
Actually UsefulGskyer 70mm Astronomical Telescope
Gskyer 70mm Astronomical Telescope
The one genuinely useful thing in this drawer. We know. We're as surprised as you are.
$96.99
→